Hospitality and the Wisdom of Father Henri Nouwen

The last couple of decades have witnessed a remarkable flurry of reflections, writings, and publications around the theme of hospitality. Many of us are indebted to Dorothy Bass and Christine Pohl and others, but especially these two, for bringing this question to the fore and helping us think about this vital Christian practice. Typically, those who have spoken to this topic have, rightly, pointed back to the Rule of St. Benedict. The Rule affirmed the rhythm of manual labor, study and prayer; and yet, there was also and always the assumption that when it came to the outside world, the point of contact—between the monastic community and the world—was marked by a commitment to hospitality. The link to the world was mediated, one might say, through the practice of radical hospitality. Chapter 53 of the Rule affirmed that “All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ, for he himself will say, ‘I was a stranger and you welcomed me’ (Mathew 25:35). Proper honor must be shown to all, ‘especially those who share our faith’ (Galatians 6:10) and to pilgrims.”

But I am going to consider another source of wisdom on this theme: Henri Nouwen’s brilliant little book, Reaching Out. Nouwen is generally viewed to be a primary catalyst for this more contemporary conversation about the place of hospitality in the life of the Christian community. While the book was published many decades ago, it still has remarkable relevance. We note the following, in particular, from this piece.  

First and foremost, hospitality is a matter of creating space. It is not about changing another person but rather it is about creating the space where change might occur. It is not about winning another person over to our views or manner of being, but rather it is an act where new learning could happen (p. 51). Very important to Nouwen is that we move from being strangers into, at the very least, the possibility of friendship—transcending hostility [his language]. Nouwen speaks of the home—parents and their children. He speaks about the school—teacher and students. And he speaks about those who are in service ministries—priest/pastor to parishioners, counselor to those receiving therapy, nurses and doctors to those who are unwell.

Needless to say, his remarks are particularly significant to those of us in higher education—eager, as Nouwen would say, to create the space where “mental and emotional development can take place” (p. 60). It is to open up the possibility of learning, of discovery, but also to invite students’ contribution to the learning—to bring their experience to bear and to take that experience seriously. Sure, one might and should be challenged in the classroom; of course. But hospitality is necessarily the starting point. And he insists that we need to have this posture of receptivity to the other—to what they bring to the table. Nouwen uses strong language here. He writes: “Reaching out to others without being receptive to them is more harmful than helpful and easily leads to manipulation and even to violence, violence in thoughts, words and actions” (p. 69).

The main point here is that we do not offer hospitality if, and only if, the other agrees with us or believes as we believe.

And yet, Nouwen is quick to add that there are boundaries; there are flexible limits, but there are limits (p. 69). Only then is it actually true hospitality. Parents create a safe space for their children; but they are only hospitable to their children if their children know that as children they cannot destroy that safety. Teachers create a safe and welcoming space when students know that as students they cannot disrupt the teaching/learning opportunity. But also I would add, it is by this measure only true hospitality if the terms of engagement are clear: there is a discipline into which you are invited, an ordered community, convictions that shape our common life.

The new immigrant, the newcomer to a country—such as Canada—brings gifts, no doubt, but also honours what it means for Canada to be Canada. As a new comer to the country, you do not impose but rather respect the laws of the land, the ways of being. When I say “new comer” I suspect that most reading this assume I mean the recent immigrant, what we often speak of as the new Canadian. But in fact, most who read this are new Canadians; almost all of us are first, second or third generation Canadians. As such we are new to these parts. And we confess that sometimes we have presumed on the hospitality of those for whom these are their ancient lands. When we do a land acknowledgement, it is our way of recognizing and affirming this, rather than presuming on this hospitality from the First Nations, Metis and Inuit peoples. This is why so many of us find the “doctrine of discovery” so offensive; it would be like me coming to your home and presuming that this is now my space to control and, perhaps, my right to evict those who are already living there.

But the main point: hospitality, but hospitality without presumption; it is about respect and honour for where we have come, whether to this land or into this teaching/learning community. That is, we are convinced that we can be hospitable and have clear boundaries. We can be hospitable and have deep convictions about the nature of reality—the meaning of truth. It is not one or the other. It is in a humble confidence about those boundaries which frees us to welcome the other—the stranger—without fear or arrogance or a need to control.

And so, fundamentally—when all is said and done—Nouwen’s voice and perspective has continuing relevance. We learn that hospitality is an act of welcome: come into this space, our space. You are not free to disrupt this space, but that does not mean you need to conform before you are welcomed. And in your coming, we are enriched.